With the Summer Olympics on the horizon, I figured I would showcase someone who had so much raw potential and skill in the 80’s, that he could have easily been a champion participant. I’m talking about none other than Jason Voorhees! Oh go ahead and laugh and throw things at the computer screen. Apparently you haven’t seen a little movie called Friday The 13th Part III??? Behold the majestic wonder of Jason’s nimble legs, as he uses them to jump out of the way of a speeding van:
Wow! Have you ever seen such elegance and grace? It’s like he could have leapt off of the screen if he wanted to, which would have been appropriate considering the film was in 3D. If only Jason had realized his full Olympic potential, he could have been competing for the gold in the high jump or hurdles. Instead, he would just go on to make more Friday The 13th sequels and then appear in a lackluster reboot in 2009. Oh wait – how could I forget about the judges? Judges, let’s see your scores for that incredible ‘dodging the van’ leap from Mr. Voorhees……
Well, I have no idea why the Looney Tunes characters have showed up in this post as judges, but they’re here so let’s just roll with it. And looking at those scores, I think we can only come up with one conclusion: Porky The Pig and Pepe Le Pew really like Jason and would like to have a threesome with him. Ok, maybe not – but what is clear is that Jason Voorhees missed his calling as a future Olympian, and the world lost out on something truly special and glorious. Just another sad case of wasted talent. Btw – yes, I was high when I wrote this post. USA! USA! USA!
